Menu
Lifestyle

A woman of a certain age

AS A woman of a certain age, deep down I knew one day it would happen. Just as it has happened to generations of women before me, I knew I would eventually succumb.

Of course, just like generations of women before me, I didn't want to admit it might actually be happening in my boudoir. I merrily sailed my little felucca down the river of de-Nile for quite a few years but no more.

When it comes to the bedroom, I have surrendered all pretence and given in to comfort. And I'm not just talking about fluffy pillows and feather-filled doonas.

There comes a time when you have to admit you're not 22 anymore. And neither is your body. It's a sad reality (usually more so for the male of the household) but there are things the body of a 22-year-old female can endure that the body of a woman of a certain age is no longer capable of attempting never mind enduring.

For starters take lacey lingerie. Take it as far away from me as possible. Sleeping with lace lingerie lodged in places it has no business being stuck in is all well and good when you're 22 and in the first flush of love. But fast forward two kids, some hot flushes and a few martial years later and out of nowhere you'll hear yourself saying, "What do you mean this baggy t-shirt isn't sexy?" Sure lacey lingerie can be saucy, titillating and exiting - as long as you're not the one wearing it.

I remember when I was 22; I would rather have chewed off my arm than interrupt hubby's sleep or have him think I wasn't comfortable sleeping face first in his sweaty armpit. I would balance like a circus performer on the knife edge of our mattress just so his slumber wouldn't be disturbed. As a woman of a certain age, my circus performance days are long gone. And as for hubby's sleep? He knows if I can get through the night controlling the urge to smother his snoring face with a pillow he's a lucky man and my love for him still burns deep.

You know comfort is a big factor when you get more excited over laying new flooring than being laid on the floor. But the one signpost that got me thinking I was definitely on the road to accepting comfort as a non negotiable factor was the other week when hubby suggested we "do it" somewhere exciting. Funnily enough he suggested the kitchen - dirty dishes and a fridge full of half-empty dog food tins, oh yeah, my level of excitement jumped up five notches just thinking about it.

I understood where he was going with his suggestion of wanting to gyrate around the white goods. Bless him, he was trying to recapture the early days of our relationship when our appetites were insatiable, our passion burned hot and our joints were still flexible. That ship has sailed. Sure, when you're 22 a quick romp in the kitchen sounds naughty and fun but as a woman of a certain age I just knew abandoning all inhibitions for the sake of adventure would lead to injury. I'll spare you the harrowing details but needless to say I almost pulled a hammy trying to climb onto the kitchen table.

And the hardest part of the whole ordeal? Was trying to explain to my youngest what my doona and fluffy pillows were doing in the kitchen.

Topics:  family taming humour opinion sex



Three women injured in crash, one airlifted to hospital

HOSPITALISED: A woman in her 50s was hospitalised after she was found unconscious in crash wreckage at Halls Rd, Coffs Harbour.

Women aged 58, 56 and 15 involved in two-vehicle crash.

Eagles will soar in the botanic garden

TRIBUTE: The Eagles Show will play the Coffs Harbour Botanic Garden on Saturday, January 27.

The Eagles Stage Show is a two-hour spectacular

Local Partners

Holden customers fume over "misleading" letter

HOLDEN owners have slammed the car manufacturer as they offer an apology for confusion over a letter sent after dealer agreements were not renewed

‘Disgusting’: Creepy delivery driver’s texts

A copy of the text messages sent to her phone.

The driver called himself “a fan” and even said “goodnight baby”

Has Vegemite thrown another bad idea on the barbie?

Vegemite no longer bears the Kraft name.

Could lamb, cheese and Vegemite sausages take over Australia Day?

Terminator, a fast Hyundai and karaoke: Detroit motor show

Mercedes-Benz head Dieter Zetsche and Hollywood actor Arnold Schwarzenegger launch the Mercedes-Benz G-Class.

While lacking in supercar stars, Hollywood stepped up.

Tiffiny Hall loses 21kg in four months after giving birth

Tiffiny Hall gained 30kg during her pregancy, but since giving birth in September she has lost 21kg.

SHE gained 30kg during her difficult first pregnancy

Coast couple won't spend more than $1000 on their wedding

”WE ARE SIMPLE PEOPLE”: Bli Bli couple Shauna Malone and Steve Davis will tie the knot in March at a ceremony in their backyard.

How a coast couple plan to tie the knot with $1000