Lifestyle

A woman of a certain age

AS A woman of a certain age, deep down I knew one day it would happen. Just as it has happened to generations of women before me, I knew I would eventually succumb.

Of course, just like generations of women before me, I didn't want to admit it might actually be happening in my boudoir. I merrily sailed my little felucca down the river of de-Nile for quite a few years but no more.

When it comes to the bedroom, I have surrendered all pretence and given in to comfort. And I'm not just talking about fluffy pillows and feather-filled doonas.

There comes a time when you have to admit you're not 22 anymore. And neither is your body. It's a sad reality (usually more so for the male of the household) but there are things the body of a 22-year-old female can endure that the body of a woman of a certain age is no longer capable of attempting never mind enduring.

For starters take lacey lingerie. Take it as far away from me as possible. Sleeping with lace lingerie lodged in places it has no business being stuck in is all well and good when you're 22 and in the first flush of love. But fast forward two kids, some hot flushes and a few martial years later and out of nowhere you'll hear yourself saying, "What do you mean this baggy t-shirt isn't sexy?" Sure lacey lingerie can be saucy, titillating and exiting - as long as you're not the one wearing it.

I remember when I was 22; I would rather have chewed off my arm than interrupt hubby's sleep or have him think I wasn't comfortable sleeping face first in his sweaty armpit. I would balance like a circus performer on the knife edge of our mattress just so his slumber wouldn't be disturbed. As a woman of a certain age, my circus performance days are long gone. And as for hubby's sleep? He knows if I can get through the night controlling the urge to smother his snoring face with a pillow he's a lucky man and my love for him still burns deep.

You know comfort is a big factor when you get more excited over laying new flooring than being laid on the floor. But the one signpost that got me thinking I was definitely on the road to accepting comfort as a non negotiable factor was the other week when hubby suggested we "do it" somewhere exciting. Funnily enough he suggested the kitchen - dirty dishes and a fridge full of half-empty dog food tins, oh yeah, my level of excitement jumped up five notches just thinking about it.

I understood where he was going with his suggestion of wanting to gyrate around the white goods. Bless him, he was trying to recapture the early days of our relationship when our appetites were insatiable, our passion burned hot and our joints were still flexible. That ship has sailed. Sure, when you're 22 a quick romp in the kitchen sounds naughty and fun but as a woman of a certain age I just knew abandoning all inhibitions for the sake of adventure would lead to injury. I'll spare you the harrowing details but needless to say I almost pulled a hammy trying to climb onto the kitchen table.

And the hardest part of the whole ordeal? Was trying to explain to my youngest what my doona and fluffy pillows were doing in the kitchen.

Topics:  family taming humour opinion sex



Hook the crooks and heed the police warnings

Hook the Crooks is a summer campaign against break and enter crimes in our community, involving Coffs Clarence Police and The Coffs Coast Advocate.

Police warn a quarter of Coffs break-ins happen around Christmas

Did someone ask where are all the Christmas lights?

If you have gone to the trouble of setting up a Christmas scape in your yard tell the world via the Map My Lights smart phone app.

This app is where you can track the Christmas lights of Coffs Coast.

Water usage rises under restrictions

Parts of the usually strong flowing Bellinger River have dropped to puddles, prompting the council to introduce level 3 water restrictions to town water supplies.

Water use rises in Bellingen with level 3 water restrictions

Local Partners

Relief for storm affected farmers

NSW Government's announces it will provide Agriculture Natural Disaster Relief following wild storms in early August.


Man builds playground entirely out of packing tape

Artist Eric Lennartson is in the process of completing his huge tape sculpture at the Ipswich Art Gallery.

VIDEO:And here's where you can play on it.

Countdown to Woodford Folk Festival begins

ECONOMIC BOON: Woodford Folk Festival is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year.  Photo Contributed

The first larger-than-life inhabitants have stepped into Woodfordia

'I need to do what I can': 65km walk for cancer patient

Karlee Robinson is walking from Caloundra to Noosa for her cousin Aaron Parker, who has terminal brain cancer.

What do you do when someone you love has terminal brain cancer?

Hacksaw Ridge wins big in first round of AACTA Awards

Luke Bracey and Andrew Garfield in a scene from the movie Hacksaw Ridge.

THE major awards will be handed out on Wednesday night.

Paris Hilton fumes at clumsy partygoers

A reveller spilt their drink on Paris Hilton's DJ decks

Winnie Harlow isn't a role model

Winnie Harlow insists she isn't a role model.

Felicity Jones proud of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story role

Felicity Jones feels it is "important" for a woman to head Rogue One

Kiwi's plea to Ellen DeGeneres to save bakery after quake

Ellen... we need your magic.

Family had to be helicoptered out after powerful quake

Seacrest: Things are "going better" for Kim and Kanye

Ryan Seacrest says things are "going better now" for Kanye West

Developer's grand new multi-million dollar estate

NEW ESTATE: This is the only plan revealed by the property developer's new Billabongs Estate in Agnes Water.

DEVELOPER given the go ahead for a massive estate with 149 homes.

Banks reclaim Gladstone homes as job losses bite

LONG FALL: Property experts Heron Todd say, based on key market indicators, Gladstone is still travelling to the bottom of the market, with property prices set to get cheaper.

Property valuers say Gladstone housing market hasn't hit the bottom

The million dollar property to test Mackay's market

This Victoria St building will go to auction Tuesday and investors will be watching closely to see how much it sells for.

'High profile architect designed CBD asset' goes to auction

Chinese locked out of Australian property market

The rules are different if you're a foreigner

The buyer was from China - the trouble started right there

Morrison signs off on new affordable rental model

Australia's Treasurer Scott Morrison speaks during a press conference after a meeting of the Council of Federal Financial Relations at Parliament House in Canberra, Friday, Dec. 2, 2016.

Scott Morrison signed off on development of a new financing model

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!