Where are the Clarence Valley's worst spots for Magpies?
SPRINGTIME. There's the scent of inspiration in the air. Sunshine radiates an unfamiliar hint of warmth on my skin.
I'm suddenly ignited into action by these environmental factors. They make me feel great - even motivated enough to fulfil my fitness ambitions that went to bed when daylight savings switched off my best intentions six long, dark, cold months ago.
I'm peddling full steam ahead on my trusty treadlie - there's life in these old legs yet. I'm free. Nothing can stop me.
Oh wait - yes it can.
I'm momentarily filled with dread as my unsuspecting ears are pierced by that almighty squawk. I look down and see the shadow of that ominous creature looming above. I can't help but have flashbacks to Alfred Hitchcock's horror film The Birds.
I start pedalling faster, throwing my arms erratically and shrieking illegible gibberish until I am beyond that terrifying magpie's territorial boundaries.
Finally escaped from its triangle of terror, the fear factor raging in my head fails to be silenced as I surge on ahead. Who knows where the next angry nester lurks? Which tree or power pole has become a temporary watchtower for a black and white swooper? Where and when will I gracelessly lose the next hilarious episode of 'man vs magpie - a natural reaction' for the amusement of passing motorists.
Just as humans come out to play, magpies come out to breed. And so those best intentions fuelled by the arrival of warmer months give into defeat at the hands of the Australian wildlife. Natural selection?
But I don't want to give up. Not yet. Surely we can live harmoniously? And so, with your help, we want to create a map of the Clarence Valley highlighting magpie hotspots so we can all run/walk/ride in nonchalant oblivion (and the postman can do his job) for the next couple of months, while our wonderful magpie friends can spend more time nurturing their young in peace and less time in a paranoid frenzy attacking unsuspecting guests.
Jot down the addresses in the comments section below. I'll get us started - the Summerland Way at the intersection of Butterfactory Lane.