The one thing we have in common with the royals
THIS pregnancy business is quite a ride.
And not only for me, the one with the little passenger on board.
My poor partner is swinging from ecstatic to terrified to fairly blase about the whole situation.
Never one to put his foot in it, just last week he looked at my new curves before exclaiming, "You have certainly turned into a portly lass."
"I prefer rotund," I replied as spring conditions turned unseasonally icy for a few hours.
I am not sure what prompted the Victorian turns of phrase - it is usually more bogan than benevolent in our house.
We did manage to get pretty Downton Abbey for a minute there.
Now half-way through the pregnancy, I am starting to examine aspects of our behaviour and wonder how many f-bombs we can actually drop before the little tacker will start to repeat it.
Maybe we should try to emulate those old faves, Prince William and Kate, who this week announced their third baby was on the way.
I am pretty sure the only f-words used in that royal household are the occasional "Falklands" or maybe "Fergie".
I swing between sympathy for Kate, who is reportedly suffering such horrendous morning sickness she is bedridden, to green as The Hulk jealousy when I think of how perfect she looked after the birth of her first child, George.
Dressed in blue, not a hair out of place and waving to the waiting media outside the hospital, Kate, and doting Wills by her side, made that whole new parenting thing look a breeze.
The image I have of us post-hospital stay is slightly different.
In my imagination I have a bird's nest for hair - no, not a funky updo - but a curly, tangled mess on my head because I forgot my hairbrush.
I am wearing blue PJs outside the hospital because I am also absent-minded enough to forget to pack post-delivery clothes.
And Mr Bird's Nest is hyperventilating around the corner as he goes to pick up the car because it turns out our baby has a set of lungs and knows how to use them and neither of us really knows what to do.
But what we have in common with the royals is that, despite the occasional f-bomb and foot-in-mouth disease that rules our house, I am certain we will love our baby as fiercely as they love their children.
And that is all that matters in the end, right?
What are your thoughts? Get in touch at weekend@newsregional media.com.au