Entertainment

The sexiest MKR challenge yet

Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason.
Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason. Channel 7

IT'S time for sauce.

Tonight's challenge on MKR is to make a sauce worth bottling, and it's sexy as all get-out. Suitably, Curtis Stone pushes out some stubble and heads to Coles, Melbourne's erotic epicentre, to be a guest judge.

Down down, undies are down.
Down down, undies are down. Channel 7

"I've been working for Coles for seven years and they've never put my sauce in a bottle" says Curtis, a testament to Coles' high hygiene standards. He goes on to reveal that today's winners will have their sauce sold nationwide, information that sends a ripple of excitement through the teams.

Keeping with the saucy theme, it seems fair to rank the teams in order of sexiness as they launch into a frenzied orgy of sauce production. Starting with:

10. MELL & CYN

"Normally we want to show a little bit of sophistication in our food" Mell says at the beginning of the challenge. "But today we have to cook for normal people" Cyn adds, misquoting Jarvis Cocker.

There's nothing sexy at all about looking down on people. The hoi class ladies don't eat sugar, but make a sickly sweet sauce because "the shoppers love it".

You know what else they love? Watching you make broad assumptions and then lose.

9. BRETT & MARIE

For their tomato-ey veal and sausage sauce, the competition's beigest couple uses a recipe from Marie's nonna. Very, very few things are less sexy than the phrase "grandma's sauce".

8. MARK & CHRIS

You're in trouble when you're in a cooking competition, but you're best known for laughing at your own dumb jokes. Mark and Chris make a semi-decent duck with spiced orange sauce, but they also put their food safety baseball caps on backwards which, unbeknown to most people wearing backwards baseball caps, loses big sexy points.

Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady.
Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady. Channel 7

Frankly the only reason they're even this high on the list is because they keep saying "breast".

7. BETTY & DAVID

As consistently friend-zoned David is well aware, sexiness is limited when you're cooking Betty's mother's peanut satay sauce, but that's not to say that no tingly feelings are stirring in anyone's peanuts. David admits to "fangirling" over Curtis Stone, and when the chef visits their station to sample their very excellent sauce, David saves the spoon.

"I'm gonna sell this spoon on eBay, Curtis Stone licked it!" he exclaims excitedly.

6. VALERIE & COURTNEY

OK, this is getting awkward, but you have to admit Valerie and Courtney's deeply spicy food is sexy as hell. Granted, they're making an Anglo-Indian sauce from a departed relative's recipe book, but they do it with so much sincere passion, and wearing so many animal-print kaftans, that this face is totally warranted:

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves.
It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves. Channel 7

5. JOSH & AMY

Josh badly wants his face on a bottle, and violent fantasies aside, he's probably the only one. His main contribution to the peri peri sauce seems to be overcooking chicken and criticising his wife.

"You're obviously doing something wrong" he tells Amy when her tortilla is dry and unresponsive.

Amy's irritation with her husband becomes more and more evident as he barks orders at her while ruining their dish, so it's no surprise that when Curtis visits and starts a friendly conversation, you can visibly see Amy's capillaries open. She's just not used to a man treating her like a human being.

Josh, uncomfortable with seeing his wife happy, tells her to get back to work.

Shut up, Josh.

4. COURTNEY & DUNCAN

It's impossible not to love Court and Dunk just a little bit, especially when they make a buttery, lemony sage sauce. They're supportive of each other in the most adorable way, especially when they misjudge their sous-vide water bath temperature and overcook their meat, something that happens in every relationship eventually.

Their sauce doesn't cut the mustard, but there are only a few things sexier than Colin Fassnidge asking a lady to squeeze her husband's bag of pork.

3. AMY & TYSON

Fried chicken with gravy is, in anyone's language, extremely sexy.

It doesn't win any competitions, but Amy describes it as thick and creamy, which shoots her and Tyson up to the pointy end of the list. I didn't even take points off for Amy's backwards baseball cap, because I figured a little part of her died when she had to wear it, so she's suffered enough.

MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel.
MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel. Channel 7

2. KAREN & ROS

Karen and Ros make pork crackling. I hear they also make a sauce, but who cares, because Karen and Ros make pork crackling, the most arousing of all cracklings.

Not only that, Kyle offers to help them cut the crackling off their pork. A man putting the needs of others before his own in the presence of pig meat. I may need a moment to myself.

He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself.
He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself. Channel 7

1. TIM & KYLE

While we're on Kyle, hands up who wants to be on Kyle? Tim is nice and all, but he's competing with an eight-foot hairy mountain man, so Tim knows he's only there for cooking skills and conversation.

The boys make steak with mushroom sauce, which doesn't even matter, because Kyle talks about letting Tim touch his meat, and Kyle is literally salt bae.

As judging reaches its natural climax, Courtney and Valerie win people's choice, Court, Dunk, Mell and Cyn go to sudden death, and Colin drinks a cup of gravy.

He doesn’t even spit it out.
He doesn’t even spit it out. Channel 7

I'm spent, but I could probably watch another episode in fifteen or twenty minutes.

Jo Thornely is a writer who loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely

News Corp Australia

Topics:  channel 7 my kitchen rules television



Group 2 kicking off with a bang

After meeting in last year's major semi-final, Coffs Harbour and South Grafton are sure to get the 2017 Group 2 season off to a hot start.

The time for just sweating it out through the summer heat is over.

Sawtell favoured to claim back-to-back cricket titles

Sawtell is the favourite to be celebrating at the end of this weekend's first grade grand final against Nana Glen.

Nana Glen quick to claim underdog status for CHDCA grand final.

Daylight saving in NSW is foolish

Opinion

Calls to cut daylight saving but some of us don't want to see it end

Local Partners

Two-legged circus Lions say thank you to the community

After the curtains are drawn on the four-legged lions at Stardust Circus, it's the two-legged lions' time to shine.


What's happening on the Coffs Coast this weekend

Harmony Day will be held at the Botanic Garden on Sunday.

Things to do on the Coffs Coast this weekend?

CMC Rocks is just the ticket for Eric Paslay

HAPPY TO BE HERE: American country singer Eric Paslay will play CMC Rocks 2017.

Country music singer is touring overseas for the first time.

Daredevils of Nitro Circus to thrill Lismore

Oakes Oval in Lismore will host the sell-out, worldwide phenomenon that is Nitro Circus Live during its 15-city Australian tour in April.

The (in)famous 55-foot high Nitro Giganta ramp is the centrepiece

Steve ventures into the wild unknown on epic mission

Wildlife presenter and adventurer Steve Backshall tackles West Papua river challenge.

TV Insider: MKR has lost its recipe for success

My Kitchen Rules judges Colin Fassnidge and Pete Evans with guest judge Curtis Stone, right.

MKR needs a shake (up) of more than just the sauce bottle.

Travis Collins, Keith Urban win big at CMC Music Awards

Country music singer Travis Collins.

LEE Kernaghan also inducted into CMC Hall of Fame.

Disney boss reveals big details about the future of Star Wars

Felicity Jones in a scene from the official trailer for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

"Another decade and a half of Star Wars."

Iggy Azalea’s butt is back

Mullumbimby-raised rapper Iggy Azalea is back with her new song Mo Bounce.

THE singer is back with a new single and it is all about the bounce.

Kate Middleton: Even I struggle with being a mother

The royal has offered a personal glimpse into her life.

Emma Thompson missed her chance with Trump

Emma Thompson.

EMMA Thompson once turned down an offer from Donald Trump

Statement in style and luxury

LUXURY LIVING: This North Sapphire home has come with a long list of high-end inclusions.

SNEAK PEEK: The Real Estate Property Guide is online now.

City sale signifies a bright future for CBD

The Boulevard Arcade has sold in Coffs Harbour for just over $4 million.

Multi-million dollar sale brings plans to future development

It's official: Byron Bay unaffordable

MILLIONAIRES ROW: The Housing Commission house in Keats St, Byron Bay which sold at auction on Saturday for $1.65 million.

Buying a home in Bay Bay is a dream too far for some

Coast home luring interstate buyers sold

PRIZED POSITION: Blue clip location, peaceful surroundings, spacious living with swimming pool, tennis court on 4562sq
m

The property was described as a 'Queenslander with Hamptons style'

Stylish Coast home lures buyers from four states

PRIZED POSITION: The six-bedroom house with swimming pool and floodlit tennis court is on 4562sq
m.

Expansive property boasts serious space

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!