Strange Politics: Foot shooting breathes life into podiatry
FOOT specialists the world over were dropping like flies from the hum-drum and downright pongy profession to pursue more exciting careers as accountants and office printer technicians.
Then the game changed forever.
A massive global influx in politicians shooting themselves in the foot has put the pizzazz back in podiatry.
Now these connoisseurs of the clodhopper are coming back in droves.
It all began with Federal Labor's Tony Burke, whose strident condemnation of Bronwyn Bishop's entitlements rort at first seemed reasonable.
He even held up cute little P-plater driver signs emblazoned with Bronnie's name as a jab at her demotion to being "on probation" over her penchant for helicopters.
But then he took a machine gun to his foot and had to be carried away on a stretcher.
Why would you bag out the Bronster when you charged taxpayers $12,000 to fly your wife and kids business class to hang out with you at Uluru for four days?
Burke even has to pay back $90 he claimed in travel expenses so he could watch a Robbie Williams concert.
A grown man going to a Robbie Williams concert. Imagine that.
With his foot firmly bull's-eyed, the hapless rock-thrower was wheeled away to go make a podiatrist's life more interesting.
Next up was the NSW Liberals' parliamentary whip-turned-Twitter nuisance, Peter Phelps.
In a single breath, he crawled from beneath his cosy bridge, accused a few people of being Twitter trolls and then called them "ignorant nobodies" and "commies" who should "have a Whitlam... and Gough yourself to death".
That last one was actually quite clever, so kudos where they are due.
Phelps also replied to a comment from former Labor MP Craig Emerson to tell him: "Don't verbal me, d***head".
While overly boisterous social media use has been the downfall of plenty of pollies around the world, Phelps seems to have escaped any serious reprimand so far.
But sources within that industry of hospital-chasing podiatric weasels can be seen salivating whenever he logs on Twitter, conscious his hair-triggered rifle is aimed smack-bang at the middle of his walking bits.
The phenomenon has even reached across the pond to Russia, where the ill-advised Kremlin decided to bulldoze hundreds of tonnes of European cheese in an anti-Western protest this week.
The bizarre show of disdain resulted from President Vladimir Putin's decree that all food breaching a year-long embargo on Western imports would be destroyed.
Meanwhile, five million homeless Russians are starving to death.
Unfortunately for the United Podiatrists' Guild, Putin apparently wears bullet-proof socks able to withstand anything short of a nuclear winter.