MOST of us were brought up to behave how we feel.

When we felt unwell, we'd tell our Mum, behave accordingly, and she would let us take the day off from school.

When we entered the workplace, we'd feel really good on Fridays and lousy on Mondays and behave accordingly.

We'd even invent the term Mondayitis to account for our behaviour.

Then, when we grew older, we'd feel old because we were told it was expected of us, and again we'd behave accordingly.

The alternative was to feel how we behave.

When we were kids, and had so much to do, we'd hit the ground running and our feelings would catch up later.

By behaving in a certain way our feelings would usually be associated with that behaviour. When we were in the workplace, many of us never took a 'sickie': we were too busy to take time out.

Then, when we aged, we behaved in a way that let it be known that we felt on top of the world.

Like most situations, a black-or-white approach (duality) is unlikely to be the better approach. We know that we need to take note of our feelings.

And, while maintaining a 'stiff upper lip' might have lots to recommend it, there may be times when behaving that way may result in undesirable side effects.

Rarely, can one or the other be the better way of operating.

Tony De Mello reckoned we need three things - awareness, awareness, awareness. Assuming he was right, we need

to be aware of our feelings - toward ourselves and others;

to be aware of our behaviour - how it can affect ourselves and others;

to be aware of our need to be flexible - enabling us to achieve the outcomes we desire.