Drowning in Liberal largesse
DANG, I'd just sorted out my finances when I suddenly was splashed with cash, thanks to the recent budget.
Yes, how lucky is this lucky country? Each of us will get $75, an Energy Assistance Payment, to help pay our electricity bills, just for voting.
Ha, how many will do that? Pay our electricity that is.
99 per cent will just lash out on, well, whatever we want to. Spend it on lashes even (both kinds) however only those who really need it will get it.
Those earning more than $200,000 miss out and naturally also the poor. That's what happens when you're poor, you miss out. Suck it up guys.
Okay, that little embarrassment was corrected, not because the government realised they'd made a mistake, but because it was embarrassing.
Oh, if you're part of a couple you only get $62.50 each. Maybe couples can save on energy by cuddling?
Or perhaps university tests showed that if the average household needs a light on for five hours each night and if two people share that light, that saves of 16 per cent. Clever.
But $75 doesn't put a dent in an electricity bill. We could all save that much by turning our fridge up, or the telly off at the wall, or visiting friends in your Tesla and asking if they wouldn't mind if you plugged in.
Maybe you could buy a solar panel and reduce your power bill by about the same amount, and if continued, we'd all be completely solar-powered within about 30 years.
Truly, no-one will spend their $75 on energy and unfortunately most of it will go overseas.
Fifty per cent will gamble it on horses, dogs, pokies, football or real estate. Another 30 per cent will spend it on foreign-owned fast food.
Twenty per cent will spend it on clothes made in China ... well, what can you buy locally for $75?
That leaves 10 per cent of Australians, nine per cent of whom will spend it on imported beer or New Zealand sauvignon blanc.
That leaves one per cent to do the right thing, switch all our lights off and stimulate the economy buying a few bottles of Aussie wine.
Gee, that went quickly.
Surely Australians won't fall for such a ploy? Probably.