'Dad, have you and mummy even had sex?'
BRUCE is a father of seven who judges what sort of sleep he had on whether or not he manages to call each kid by the right name first thing in the morning.
He started his Big Family Little Income blog on Father's Day back in 2010 and has built up a steady following of similarly minded, frustrated, out-of-their-depth, somewhat daggy, but fun-loving parents.
At least he likes to assume they're laughing with him and not at him. He hopes you will too.
There was definitely a sheepishness in the way my eight-year-old daughter approached my desk.
When she looked over her shoulder for potential sibling eavesdroppers before cupping her hands around her mouth I knew this was going to be a serious conversation.
"Dad," she whispered.
"Have you and Mummy even had S-E-X?"
And yes, she spelled it out.
I shot a look to where my wife, Tracey, was sitting at her computer.
Her screen was forgotten and she was grinning at me with an 'I'm so glad this is you and not me' expression.
Given the conspiratorial nature of the discussion, I leaned in.
"How do you think you make babies?" I asked quietly, and received a frown as an initial response.
"Kissing?" she asked tentatively, and behind her I could tell Tracey's heart nearly burst at the cuteness of this suggestion.
I did that parent thing where you attempt to maintain an engaged and respectful expression while there's a mad grin trapped just under the skin threatening to break out all over your face.
I shook my head then suggested she guess again.
"S-E-X?" Miss8 asked, although from her tone I sensed she didn't dare believe it.
I gave her a nod in the affirmative.
"I'm afraid so," I confirmed solemnly.
There was a pause as she took this in, after which all the secret squirrel business came to an abrupt halt.
"Eeee-ewwwww!!" she bellowed.
"That means ….ewwww……you've had S-E-X," she was still spelling it, "seven times!"
And then she ran off.
Which I was really okay with because this was the point my face broke out in mad grins.
"Can't wait until you explain you're not successful every time you have S-E-X," said an equally grinny Tracey from across the room.
I didn't know I was meant to be.
Talk about moving the goalposts.