Confessions of an Ashley Madison user
THE words blinked out at me from the glow of my iPhone screen in the poorly lit room.
"You have been compromised!" The words screamed.
"Your email address has been compromised!"
You see, I am one of the millions of people across the world who has been busted with an Ashley Madison account.
Now before you judge me, write cruel things about me on Facebook or send emails telling me what a bad person I am, hear me out first.
I signed up to this morally questionable site, which is more or less a dating service for married people, more than four years ago.
I was single at the time and I had been offered the opportunity to interview the founder of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman.
Afterwards I did an article about the web site and I wanted to find out how many people from the Fraser Coast were using it.
So I actually signed up twice. Once with a fake female identity and once with a fake male identity.
That means not one, but both my email addresses have been "compromised".
I hadn't thought about my fake profiles in years until those darned hackers seized all the data and then put it online - including the accounts of yours truly.
Since I'd got hitched in the time between creating those profiles and the hack attack, I knew I had some explaining to do.
So at the first possible opportunity I grabbed my partner and tried, in a very strange and confusing way, to tell him how I had ended up with not one but two Ashley Madison accounts.
"Who's Ashley Madison?"
Well played, sir. Well played.