Carol Miller victim impact statements

Allan and Noelene Miller, the late Carol Miller’s parents
As Carol’s parents we feel compelled to write about the impact her death has on our family.

We always talked to, or saw Carol on a regular basis, and we called on her and our other daughter, feeling so much better having done so.

It saddens us to know our other daughter no longer has a sister to share confidences, or time with.

Carol will never get to realise her dreams of buying a home or having a family of her own with her partner Scott. Carol also intended to add her credentials of courses she had already done of cleaning, hospitality, commercial cookery and responsible service, and gaming.

Even although Carol worked in a hotel she rarely ever drank alcohol and was left to manage the Commercial Hotel when the owners were away.

We will also miss Carol’s great sense of humour and her input on family matters, which she was always willing to share.

The impact of Carol’s death on the community is also incredible as it is as if her death had left a big hole, as she got along with people of all ages and backgrounds and we all felt so much better after spending time with her.

As parents, there is a natural expectation to see your children grow up and pursue their dreams and strive to achieve a happy fruitful life, now, as a direct result of her death, this expectation has been totally shattered.

The hurt and pain we feel inside is all consuming at times, when we think of our bright, happy, smiling daughter and what a special person she was to us and so many others.

A deep sadness overwhelms us when we think of never seeing or hearing from her again, it is almost too much to bear.

We will love and miss her forever.

 

Scott Dennis Cardow, partner of the late Carol Miller
Carol and I had been in a relationship for over 15 years and did everything together – at home and out. In loosing her I have lost my best friend and confidant.

I am not someone who finds it easy to really open up to people – other than a few close friends and family.

I do not think I will ever achieve the level of closeness and understanding I had with Carol ever again.

Loosing Carol has left a gap in my life that feels as though I have had an arm or leg taken off. My house is empty. Having Carol around created a welcomed atmosphere at home. She was easy going, caring and kind with a love for life and people.

She made my house seem like a home and my life more complete. Now at the end of my day I don’t want to go home. The emptiness I feel there can be overwhelming.

There are reminders of her and our life together everywhere at home. Her possessions, her handwriting, photos and the message on our voicemail.

All our plans together ceased on her passing – plans to get married, plans to buy cars, plans to go on holidays and travel, plans to have children, plans to buy a house to call our own after all of our saving.

I feel like when I am at home that I don’t want to be there, but then at the same time, I could no bear leaving this place now because I might loose sight of my memories of Carol and our time together.

Carol was my emotional support and outlet.

I think to myself that here I am wanting to talk to someone about the level of sadness and grief I am experiencing, but the only person I want to be talking to about these matters is Carol – so going through something like this without her to talk to is sometimes unbearable.

Sometimes I have to force the idea out of my mind that I don’t want to be here at all without her.

I did not realise the extent of how much I relied on Carol until she was gone. Had I known I would have thanked her everyday for the effort she put into our lives. I am not the clear minded and organised person she was.  She organised our life together, took care of our finances and banking, paying rent and bills, making us save money, our insurance and utilities, shopping and loan payments.  It has been hard to come to grips with what she made seem so easy day to day and getting to learn the details of these matters has been a challenge.

Life in a small town can be hard. It feels as though there is a microscope on me and my grief in a small community. Like everyone is watching to see how I am coping and see how this is affecting me. Everyone knows what happened and knows someone that was involved in some way. You can’t escape it.

I work in one of the two pubs in town and working in such a public position means you can’t always escape your grief when it comes on.

I see and have contact with the defendant’s family and friends on a frequent basis.

There are constant reminders. The site of the accident is right outside my work. One the main intersection in town, I have to walk by or drive by this site numerous times each week.

I was in the pub not 30 metres from the location Carol died on the night of the accident. I heard the collision. We had just sat down for a drink when she said she was going to move her car to avoid the risk of being hit in the street given we had talked about the defendant driving around.

She did not even have a sip on her drink when she left quickly to move her car. When I heard that noise – that will be with my forever, my heart sank.

I ran to the street and saw her car as onlookers held me back. I could see the extent of the damage to her car and whilst others were stopping me from getting to her, I was told by someone "she’s gone" and I heard the word "dead".

It was like some nightmare. I was so close.

The timing was so eerie that I can’t stop thinking that she and I could have done something differently that night that would have stopped her being there at that very moment.

This statement is true and to the best of my belief. I do no object to this statement being given to the court.

 

Kerry Miller, sister of the late Carol Miller
My name is Kerry Louise Miller and I am Carol Leeanne Miller’s older and only sister.

The tragic events of May 15th, 2010 that have brought me to have to express these feelings for all to hear, is beyond my comprehension.

I have never had to find the strength to live through such devastation and pain. It is a constant battle to endure this loss.

I don’t know where to begin to express the pain I feel in my heart as there is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think of her, these memories and a grave are all I have left of her now.

The once amazing and loving, beautiful, caring and gentle young woman is now and forever been silenced, her candle no longer burns, she is condemned to lie alone in the cold dark ground.

The night my sister was killed, a small piece of me died too. To wake up every day and face it knowing that Carol isn’t just around the corner at her house, or just at the other end of the block at her work and that I can’t ring her or drop in for a chat, advice or just to say "Hi".

I no longer see her little maroon car zipping around the shops or at the front of her work. There are no more random encounters which see us spending a couple of hours chatting in the middle of the supermarket or the main street.

There is no more opportunity for sisterly bonding. It’s done, gone, over and I can’t seem to get past the pain knowing that it has to be this way.
I could write pages and pages on us as kids, teens young adults and adults, the time spent on the family farm riding horses and playing in the hay shed or working together at the pub, or of all the other happy memories and magical times that shaped our relationship, but you still wouldn’t know the Carol I knew.

To you, she is a young lady who was killed in a tragic accident: this is what made our bond unique and strong, now I have to live with a feeling or irreparable separation. It’s like I have a hole in me right through to my soul and nothing, not tablets, alcohol, martial arts, crying, praying or counselling can mend it.

I know because I’ve tried them all, they only dull the ache temporarily, it’s still there and it won’t leave me.

Then there’s the emotional drain I endure for my parents, not only to have to ring them with the tragic news that Carol their precious baby girl had been killed on my conscience, then to wait for them to arrive at the scene, sit through funeral arrangements, the viewing, the funeral and the wake.

Every time I look into their eyes there is a dull, teary stare back.

I know that they still love me as much as they did before, however, they’re lost their little girl, this has to a huge extent consumed their lives and their minds.

This has also changed the dynamics of our once very close and loving family as not only do I not have a sister, my parents are somewhat strangers to me too.

I often feel uncomfortable when I spend time with them, I am no longer sure how to act, what to say, how to say it, what to do, what to leave alone or left unsaid, for fear of making their pain any worse than it is as if that is possible.

I feel more comfortable around them when I have Michael to lean on.

This had made me very dependant on him completely against my very independent nature or if I can gain some freedom, time out and perspective on my horse.

This is not how it used to be, I used to love being up there with my parents, helping them around the farm and spending time with them.

I am now also unsure how to feel about the family farm, as it was one day going to be ours, the two of us, and I now have to carry on knowing that I will never share the honour of continuing the family tradition with her, leaving me with a feelings of sadness, grief and the guilt that it will be this way eats at me each time I am there.

Then there is the emotional drain of seeing the impact of Carol’s death on my partner Michael. He had a special spot for his sister in law, they enjoyed the times they had together, she made him feel very welcome in our family, he has been my rock, but even the best of men have the worst of days once in a while.

My relationship with Carol’s fiancé Scott is as it always was. He is still very much a part of our family, though every time I see him, it makes the fact that I no longer have my sister real all over again, and I carry the guilt of not being of any support to him in any way at this time.

To add to the feelings of grief, sadness, distress, heartbreak, loneliness, fear, guilt and the list goes on, there is anger. This consumes me every minute in time that I think about Carol. To know that someone so beautiful, lively, radiant, popular, caring and lovable, could one night be innocently parking her car following the road rules only to have her life cut short by Daniel Wayne Madden, showing little to no regard for the safety of anyone including himself.

It is not fair that I am now living this hell, at his hand. He had / has no right to take my sister from me or to consume this much of my life, adding the unwelcome loss of the emotions that are the direct result of his actions.

This statement is true and to the best of my belief. I do no object to this statement being given to the court.



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