Bonk bans are plain bonking mad
A bonk ban is always doomed to fail.
Let's put it this way, where there's a will there's a way. Lockdown or not, if people want to get frisky they damn well will.
Telling people they cannot do something instantly makes it more of a challenge to bend the rules.
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is fighting a losing battle if he thinks he can legitimately make it an offence for a person to have sex with someone who does not under live their own roof.
No disrespect to the likeable and loveable Boris, but seriously he's hardly one to start dishing out rules around getting randy.
He's soon to embark on his third marriage and refuses to confirm how many offspring he actually has - reports say it's likely to be seven.
But let's not shy away from the shocking UK statistics that showed they've already had tens of thousands of deaths during the COVID-19 pandemic.
It's fair enough to try and implement strict rules but this latest one is nothing short of being plain bloody stupid.
Brits can see up to six people at their home but they must stay outside. If they want to have a barbecue in what is now their summer they must BYO their own chair and cutlery and guests can only enter the host's home to go to the toilet. If they get a bit tipsy and a little bit frisky they need to keep their sanitised hands to themselves.
Having sex is off limits with people they don't live with and sleepovers are banned too.
So basically if you want to get up close and personal with someone you desire the only way around this is to do the deed outside.
And surely this warrants arrest if you're caught in the act.
Let's not forget in the Socialist Republic of Victoria, "Dictator Dan" Andrews even tried to implement a bonk ban but failed miserably.
Victorian couples were instructed they would be breaking the rules by seeing a partner they weren't shacked up with but hours the Premier came to his senses and the ban was reversed.
In a new study from Harvard University it found hooking up with someone's carries the risk of transmitting COVID-19 to one another and recommends lovers don a face mask before getting hot and heavy.
No matter how stir crazy many of us have become during the pandemic, there's one thing it won't stop and that is humans doing the deed.
Sophie Elsworth is a columnist for The Sunday Herald Sun.
Originally published as Bonk bans are plain bonking mad